I know there are things I never did that I should have. I know that it's too late now to really be the friend that you deserved and still do deserve. I just want to let you know I get what you're going through and how you feel. I always just felt afraid to tell you and Sharon about all the serious stuff because you might think I wasn't for real. But I see that it was so stupid to do that. I mean, I hate telling other people how I really feel and I'm sorry that you had to put up with it when I'm supposed to be your friend. I consider you guys to be my best friends above everyone else that mean the most to me. You were always there to make me feel better even when you didn't know things were all wrong. I'm not really trying to say my life is hard, because everyone's life is hard. I want you to know though that I actually feel a lot of the same things you do and I can't believe we've been together all this time and I never stopped to help or even share that with you. I know about being anxious, even though I know mine is probably nothing compared to yours. I know what it's like to feel like no one cares about you and it would be so much easier to just disappear and never have to worry again.

I don't ever want to see you sad, but at the same time I don't want you to hide when you are sad, y'know? I kind of just want us to act like what I thought we always were, best friends. A best friend is supposed to be someone who you can share not just the good stuff with but the bad stuff too. And I know I can be insensitive and sometimes I end up saying things I don't mean. I don't even know if what I'm saying is even being helpful but I at least wanted to let you know that I saw you're journal and I had a significant reaction to it. It wasn't for nothing because it made me want to let you know that I've always felt like we kept our distance from the issues we have. I can't believe I'm saying all this, even now, because I've never told this stuff to anyone. I have a hard time sharing inner thoughts and feelings and such but that isn't fair to you. I hope you see this and that you know that I want to be someone who will always be there for you. I've always been scared to tell you this, and I'm still scared to say it. I've never been good at saying the right thing but I really, really hope this is at least in the right direction. I'm so sorry if it isn't because that means I've failed as a best friend.